Hire a Carpenter!: John Carpenter's Vampires (1998)

I'm unabashedly a John Carpenter Fan.  I love his Movies and his Music.
I even listen to the latter in my car sometimes.

That said, the quality of his later Films is often in question.
He's the American equivalent of Dario Argento, isn't he?

Let's look at 1998's Vampires, a Film not Written by him in any way.  Should I be worried?

It is based on a Book, so I guess I'll just add that to my list of Books I'll have to track down and possibly read in the future.

The Plot involves a team of Vampire Hunters who meet a threat stronger than they are used to.  The survivors must stop this threat from growing even stronger and threatening the whole World!

Can I ignore the fact that James Woods is an awful person IRL and root for him as a Hero?
To find out, read on...

James Woods and Daniel Baldwin lead a team of Vampire Hunters in the Southwest.

They work like a well-oiled machine, clearing a 'Nest' of Vampires out, although the Master is nowhere to be seen.

Did they check Valley Lodge?

That night, they celebrate with drinking, drugs and ladies.

So, a normal Tuesday for Chris Farley in the '90s?

The Master Vampire shows up, bites this lady and straight up kills everyone on the team, save for Baldwin and Woods.

He also knows Woods' name- Jack Crow- for some reason and that freaks him out.

He goes to see the nearest man in charge for the Catholic Church- Maximillian Schell- and he won't give him answers.

He finally gets the information from a new Priest assigned to work with him (as their old one was killed).

He's Valek- the first Vampire.
He's got a group of other Masters and they're seeking out a Cross that will let them do a ritual to be 'pure.'

Translation- they don't explode into flames when the sunlight hits them.

Woods and Baldwin are the only ones who can stop them, along with the new Priest (who has never fought a Vampire before) and the woman who is slowly turning.

She can sometimes see what Valek sees, leading them to where they need to go.

Is it safe to keep her around though?

They show up too late to stop Valek and company from stealing the Cross.

Sorry, random Monks.

Now he's going to do the Ceremony.

It all leads to a big showdown, with our beaten up and outnumbered Heroes.

Is it a bloody good time?
Kind of, yeah.

For all of the twists and turns, watch the Film already (or again).

This one has aged better than I expected.  '90s Films that do the 'forget the old rules' thing can sometimes be a bit much.

The Film has a good Plot though, building up nicely to a big finale.

Woods is playing a guy who is kind of a terrible person, but he's on a righteous path.  He's half accurate to the real guy.

He softens a bit over time, which makes him easier to root for.

Thomas Ian Griffith as Valek is just the right amount of over the top here, being dramatic without usually being silly.  It's a fine line, especially in an outfit that is pretty cliche.

The Film's Style and Soundtrack really make this work- that's all John Carpenter.

I saw this Film long ago, likely on TV or Netflix (back when they gave you DVDs).  I'm happy to say that it still holds up.

As a bonus, it manages to not be sacrilegious...

Next up, let's keep the Carpenter train going.  It's his second-to-last (so far) Film and it sure is...not well-reviewed.  Stay tuned...

Animated Fun: Green Lantern- The Animated Series: Season 1

 As part of my continuous quest to not give HBO Max (or whatever it will be called when you read this) money, I bought a DVD of Season 1 of the short-lived Green Lantern cartoon.

I remember enjoying this one when it was originally on.

After over a decade, how does it hold up?

To find out, read on...

Hal Jordan (the Film act somewhat as a Sequel to the Film, so no origin story) and Kilowogg are told about some incidents in deep space.

Lanterns are being killed (they can't say that explicitly, of course) and they go to investigate.

This involves 'borrowing' a new ship (with the help of a Guardian) and going into this bit of Space with sparse protection and mostly-untrained Lanterns.

The pair run across a new threat- Red Lanterns!

These people/aliens are powered by Rage/Anger, as opposed to Willpower like our Heroes.

Their leader is an Alien named Atrocitus and he wants revenge on the Guardians for past crimes (or so he says).

Razer- one of the Red Lanterns left behind- goes from their prisoner to cautious helper.

Essentially, he also wants to stop Atrocitus, but only for leaving him to die.

The ship's AI takes on a robot form named Aya and sparks (not literally- yet) fly between them.

This Show is based on the then-pretty new expanded lore of the Lanterns.

As such, we meet the Star Sapphires, who wield the power of Love.

Is there more going on though?

Season 1 sets up an invasion of Red Lanterns.

Can they stop it?

Maybe with some help...but it is still a toss-up.

To find out, watch Season 1 now.

A really fun Show that rewards you for paying attention as it goes on.

The serialized nature of the Show works great, with Characters getting Arcs and things all coming to a head.

St. Walker shows up early on, just so he can be important later (see above).
Razer's backstory is deep and gains a few twists and turns along the way.

Kilowogg grows from gruff Commander to fully fleshed out person over 13 Episodes.

Even Atrocitus goes from snarling villain to guy with a somewhat justified vendetta!

The only complaint I've seen about the Show that I do get is the fact that he's off of Earth from 98% of the Show, denying us a chance to see his non-space-based Villains.
That's fair.
Minor, but fair.

The whole thing is quite enjoyable and I spaced out my viewing over a couple of weeks to slightly-simulate the natural pacing of my original watch.

Speaking of which, now I'm left without a way to watch Season 2 right now.  All I've got is...

A Show that has held up well, doing more justice (pun intended) to Hal and company than the 2011 Film.  Seek it out.

Tubi Thursday: Shivers (1975)

 A Director has to start somewhere.

In this case, it is the Film debut of David Cronenberg.
It is Canadian, but is it polite or just plain gross?

An old guy with a beard keeps fighting/struggling with a woman (who looks way too young with that hair and outfit).

He ultimately kills her, strips her and cuts her open.

After he sees something, he kills himself too.

This is taking place at an exclusive Canadian Resort Community.

Our Hero comes home to find the body...and then goes to work.

Huh?

The guy is not doing well, in spite of his Wife's concerns.

It builds up to a Scene where he tries to negotiate with the weird parasites in his stomach.

What a silly thing to do, right Mr. Tapeworm? 

The Film is '70s Cronenberg (and made on a small Budget), so get ready for a slow burn Film.

It leads up to a moment that Jame Gunn sure liked (and copied 40 years later).

It all has something to do with these Doctors- including that guy in the Intro- experimenting with parasites.

They don't really explain much.
Do you care if they do?

This is how we get Rage Zombies..but they're also horny.

Can our young Doctor keep his horny Nurse friend safe?

Can he fend off the slow-moving mob of Key Party Enthusiasts?

Yeah, not so much.

They swarm him and kiss him.

They don't kill him, however, and he's just taken into the mob.

In the morning, they all drive off in pairs to spread the infection.
The End.

A Film that alternates between being slow and being gross.

The Film frontloads the gore with that Scene and then it is mostly slow buildup.
The big moments have a nice, visceral punch to them though.

Shivers was funded in part by the Canadian Government.  It's funny how many Films like this- or Brain Dead- got federal funding back in the day.

The Film's effects with the parasites are not great.  Cronenberg cops to it in Interviews since and just kind of rolls with it.
Fair play.

If you're willing to wait for the grossout Body Horror, you get it.  He's just getting ready to really gross you out for the next few Decades.

Shivers is not his best Film by far, but I did get some joy out of the Body Horror and, if we're being honest, the gawdy Interior Design.  It burns your eyes worse than the parasites burrowing into them.

As a fan of Horror Films, I owe it to myself to check out these Horror Director's first works and deep cuts.  I'm going to put my money where my mouth is...

A very slow Film that gets gross when it needs to.  The Film is very '70s and enjoyably dated at least.

Streaming Standard: Justice League- Crisis on Infinite Earths: Part 3

 At last, the final moments are here!

The final moments of DC's Crisis on Infinite Earths are upon us!

Of course, the 1985 Comic Series was the reset to almost 50 years of Comics, while this is the end to...4 years of Direct to Video Animation.

Even so, how well the end, well, end?

When we last left things, the Anti-Monitor finally showed its face (or face like area) to destroy everything.

Short Film, huh?

No, a Deus Ex Machina happens abruptly to stall for time.

The Worlds are all drawn into The Bleed, an unstable area of space outside of normal reality.

That explains why they have to fend off Dinosaurs and Nazis, as well as a cameo from the 'Mayhem' guy from the Allstate ads voicing a super obscure DC Character.

The plan is only a short term one, as they can't hide forever.  Never mind that resources won't last.

Have I mentioned yet how bleak and depressing they make this Story yet?

John Stewart introduces Constantine to Batman and they learn the secret of why things are like they are.

Basically, Constantine broke the Universe to avenge the results of Apokolips War (a Film I skipped because it looked way too grimdark and stupid).

Things build to a battle against the Anti-Monitor when he begins to find a way to attack them in their hidden home.

Supergirl supercharges herself with a whole bunch of Suns to help them launch an attack against the Anti-Monitor and succeeds...at a high price.

More Anti-Monitors appear, however, leading to the moments that the Internet made a big fuss over.

This includes the Super Friends being wiped out by the being...

...the Teen Titans being destroyed (by just showing their T-Tower wiped out).  Why pay the Voice Actors who still voice the Characters on Teen Titans Go, after all?

...and, of course, the final Animated appearance of Kevin Conroy as Batman, alongside Mark Hamill as The Joker...unless you got the copy with the temp voice in place.

Whoops.

Lex Luthor (from Earth-10, if you are keeping count) didn't do too well with his first plan.

Maybe a desperate gamble will lead to a new reality for them all to live in.

Of course, nothing has been announced yet, so...who knows?

The End.

A big series of events that eventually lead somewhere.  It sure does take a while though.

The Pacing is so weird here.
We jump right from the end of Part 2 and into a time jump.
They spend a long, long time on a battle with the Dinosaurs and Nazis.

That part is fun, but how important is it to the narrative?  If only they didn't spend so much time on Psycho Pirate last time, we wouldn't feel both rushing and dragging at the same time.

The Film's Plot relies so much on you following all of the DC Films for proper emotional resonance.  So when it goes 'That guy from Warworld is here' I was all 'Oh...okay.'

The big problem for me is that it seems to be anti-fun.  Multiverses- if used sparingly- are fun.
This Story makes it clear that they are actually terrible.
Cool- I hate having fun.

For better or worse, this is the send-off that they have been building up to, featuring grand scale, mopey heroes and so many Cameos that even mega nerds like me go 'Oh...yeah...him/her.'

Seriously, name all of the people that aren't Booster Gold or Starfire.

****

At least Aya's Cameo leads nicely into my next piece.

A Film that is both a celebration and mutilation of DC's Comics History.  If you can get through the slogs, there's some big action/fun to be had.

Streaming Standard: Mission Impossible- Dead Reckoning (Part One) {2023}

 As the new (and possibly last) Mission Impossible Film hits Theaters, let's jump back to the last one.

Full disclosure- I've never followed the Franchise much after the first 2.

Will this seventh Film win me over?

Ethan's Mission- should he choose to accept it- is to track down an old ally/enemy in the Arabian Desert.

Why does he need to do this?

Well, full-on exposition time...

The US Government accidentally created an AI so advanced that it declared its own independence and went free, calling itself The Entity.

I have a book called that, but it is about a Ghost that forces himself onto a woman.

This one is instead trying to get possession of a key.

Hunt and his compatriots are immediately on their own, as they want to get the key to destroy the Entity, not control it.

A corrupt US Government?  Perish the thought!

You know what this means- spy gadgets, deception and lots of running!

The fight over the key (which is all that this Movie is about) ends up involving a thief (Hayley Atwell).

Her and Cruise end up chased throughout Rome by the Police and a woman working for the Entity in a small car.

Anyone else getting Deja Vu?

Said woman- Pom Klementieff- is Paris and she- along with Gabriel (the other new antagonist) are a real thorn (or knife) in our heroes' sides.

Mind you, the Film's main Villain is 1,000,000,000 lines of code, so they have to do the heavy lifting.

Why is she dressed like Mad Moxxi though?

Can our heroes fight the future?

Can they- again, this is the only thing happening here- keep people from getting a key?

Are you just here for the Stunts?

To find out the answer to the first two questions (we all know the third), stream/buy it now.

A big, boisterous Film with lots of fun location, stunts and moments.

Does that make for a good Movie?

I suppose your mileage may vary.

This one is sometimes self-aware, notably in a Scene where they explain the IMF premise to the DNI and he's confused as to why they 'get to choose to accept it.'
Fair.

As for the rest, the Film is loud, with a Soundtrack that does about 40% of the heavy lifting. 
Imagine watching Tom Cruise run in a Rough Cut with no Soundtrack.  Would you?

The Film has some real self-importance going on, which can be fun at times or dour, depending on the moment.  It likes to make the big moments feel *really* dramatic.

There's enough fun here that I don't regret watching this as a semi-outsider.  I will say that it is funny to see the Director deride 'fan service' when that's exactly what is going on with bringing back the original IMF Director's Actor from 1996.

Come for the stunts.  Hopefully enjoy the Plot, even if it is only half of one.

That said, the signature stunt of the Film- Cruise riding a bike off of a cliff and parachuting to safety- has been done many times by yours truly....in GTA Online.

A fun Film that sometimes struggles with a dour, self-important feel.  Hopefully it has got you hyped for one (likely) last adventure.

Shudder Day: Devil's Pass (2013)

 A Film by Renny Harlin- I'm intrigued.
A Film that is sadly his most successful one in around 20 years?  Yikes.

Oh, and it is Found Footage.
Crap.

This is...

FYI- This lady is not in the Movie.

In 1959, a group of people went missing while crossing through some Russian Mountains.

Specifically, they were all found dead in the snow at Devil's Pass.

I hope that this is a reenactment picture...because this first part is actually true!

This Film figures that you've already seen far too many Found Footage Films (guilty!) and just immediately tells us that the group of young people who go on the same route in 2013 were lost.

Yadda yadda their footage was found.

This time, it is a group that is clearly supposed to be Wikileaks that leaks their 'footage' after the Russian Government wouldn't release it.

So now that there is ZERO question that something terrible happens to all of them (we see this clip of 2 of them huddled together right away), let's follow the group while they are still all alive.

They are Oregon College Students who decide to investigate the Dyatlov Pass Incident and can apparently just get a grant to fly over and film this.

The group includes the lead girl Holly, her Cameraman/Conspiracy Theorist Jensen, a strong Sound Girl (Brit Star Gemma Atkinson) and two prolific Hikers that just also happen to go to the same School.

It makes me wonder how many people that lived on or around Mt. Everest for a year were at my College!

Off to Russia!

They see weird things as they get closer, like strange footprints that appear in the snow around their camp.

There's also a damaged Relay Tower that is hiding a man's tongue inside!

They finally get to the titular Pass and film some footage talking about the incident, with the bodies' locations marked out.

So how do they end up trapped in a dark chamber?

Well, it all gets a bit silly and strange, so I'll just let you find out for yourself.

The End.

A Film that is really best diagrammed as two fairly different halves.

The first part is pretty standard stuff.
They cast mostly unknowns here and the Dialog is decent.

I've seen User Reviews say that they are unlikable, but I was mostly okay with them.  Sometimes natural dialog is like that.

That brings us to the 2nd half.

In a way, this is the best and worst part of the Film.

On one hand, it builds up from the little hints throughout the Film the incident and the related characters.

On the other hand, the explanation is bonkers!  It sort of ties together if you don't think about some key details (like the battery life of a camcorder).

The problem is mostly that the big payoff of seeing the creatures that they have been teasing for an hour is pretty lame.  They are pretty silly looking and obviously CGI.

If you Google this Film, you'll see people in freaky make-up as creatures...and none of that is here.
Was it replaced with CGI like the 2011 Thing prequel?  Maybe.

The Film's big hook is either really clever or super-dumb.  I'll let you decide.

A Film that delivered the weird and bizarre.  The question is whether or not you find it interesting...or just plain stupid.